Gary came over and asked to talk Friday night. The conversation traveled over several topics, but the main point was parenting vs control of someone else's life. Gary and I have agreed on several rules on what Dylan will be exposed to vs not while at the other parent's house. One said rule is sleeping with a person. We agreed that we won't have sleep-overs (same bedroom) with someone we are dating when Dylan is staying in our house. We can stay over, but on the couch or a different bedroom. Gary's argument is that if he is at Jeanie's house, it is her rules. I said 'not'. Dylan is still my son and I have a say in what he is exposed to and what he is not. Gary's additional argument is that I controlled his life during our marriage and that I'm trying to do it now. I said 'no, I am stating a rule that applies to what happens when Dylan is in his care....I don't care what happens when Dylan is not there.'. I think we left it that the rule still stands.
Controlling: Hmmm. I guess by taking care of the finances, finding ways to purchase almost anything he wanted, working full-time, scheduling doctor's apts for the family, keeping the family calendar organized, making large vacations happen, etc. is controlling someone's life. NOT! Gary has been fooled (by the devil) into remembering our life together differently than it actually was. During our conversation, I realized that Gary is completely head-over-heals for Jeanie (Dylan confirmed this earlier in the day when he said that Dad was going to marry Jeanie - his observations, nothing Gary has said). Gary also informed me that Dylan told him that I would never marry again. Of course, this information was followed by a very satisfying smile (not grin) from Gary.
Pain / Hurt: I also realized Friday night that I still love Gary, more than just the father of my children. I need to let the love go. I was fully committed to this relationship, but Gary, obviously wasn't. I was able to go through anything. Yes, I truly forgave him for the affair and the pornography. I am/was able to take him back. But, he doesn't want to come back. I need to let it go. I told him that it was going to take time to heal. He has been working on disengaging his heart and lying to his family for 4+ years. There are 3 of us (myself, Dylan, and Andrew) who are trying to start the healing process, yet have to also deal with Dad dating and possibly marrying someone. The boys are trying to figure out how this is possible to just throw away a love. I'm trying to figure it out too. I guess that is where my problem lies. I don't understand how it is possible to throw away a promise/commitment. I had given my heart to Gary. He is stomped on it, smiles, and throws a new woman in my face.
It will be nice that this Saturday is the last soccer game until January. I won't have to see Gary so often. Andrew is on his way to North Carolina. We booked his tickets to return. He will be back Nov 26 - Dec 16. We got a screaming deal (last seat on the planes at that price) from Southwest. Usually it is around $700+ for a round trip. He got it for $340. This has been such a blessing to have Andrew so close and available during this time. I know I will survive the holidays, as I have both of my boys. I also know that this is coming to an end. He needs to get on with his life and is availability is going to drastically change. But, I will completely enjoy the 21 days I have with him. Andrew and I have been doing a lot of talking and sharing this weekend. Andrew has admitted to 'playing nice' with Dad, but has no trust or feelings for him. He is doing this for 2 reasons (1) Dylan (2) to get information out of Dad to stay one step a head of him and protect me. Andrew will be looking at training in counter intelligence. Watch out Gary!
Future: I need to move on, but it will be with God. It is tempting to get on to the on-line dating sites. They are marketed very well. However, Dr. Tony Evans stated (paraphrased) 'get close the one who cares about you....they will be the one who introduces you to the person who you will marry....do you want that someone to be a friend or God?' God created Eve for Adam. Adam was very happy. God knows me better than any earthly friend. I'm going to trust God to place the right person with me at the right time. I need to heal and I don't know how much time that will take. But, I know that He has the right time.
I need to start talking about other things than Gary...the divorce...or anything related to it. I want to find new things that are part of my life.
Dylan was excited about going hiking today, I was too. My foot has a cut on it and it is very painful. Just walking to get the Sunday paper or continue laundry is hard. So, I guess it is a day of rest instead.
Last night, I 'observed' the media control room at the church. I have a passion for perfection and presentation. I was able to jump in and help with the back wall (band uses it for lyrics and cords, Pastor Greg for his notes) and with the 'mini screens' on the back wall of the stage. I had to coordinate the change of the mini screens with the large screen for a smooth transition. It was fun. The normal crew was pretty impressed that I was able to jump in with very little training. It takes about 6 people to run all of the media (video, cameras, screens, and recordings). I'm going to like this. It is one of those jobs that goes unnoticed, if it is done well. I may have to get creative with care for Dylan, as I may have to serve at least 2 services, if not all 4. I'll see if Joey & David can tag team too. Dylan's face lights up when I talk about those two or he sees them. I hope they will be able to find time in their calendar (busy young men getting a footing in the world) to spend some time with Dylan. I know they will, if they have the time to do it. It isn't that they don't want to, it is finding the time.
I love my church family and am seeing it grow. That is what I want. I want to reach out to others and meet new people. I could have volunteered with my current friends in greeting and other areas of the church. I want to meet new people and grow my circle of friends....not replace anyone.
Aunt Nancy - Detroit: She has what is called 'triple negative breast cancer'. No hormone therapy will work. Chemo will be used, but it is throughout her body. At this point, the main focus is making her as comfortable as possible. This means pain medication. The amount of pain medication she needs, floats her out of reality. She doesn't remember conversations. Her husband has relied on Nancy for several years. He has to step up to the plate and take over medical and financial. Well, he isn't capable of this. My other aunt (Jeanette) is in the process of getting all of the legal paperwork (with Bill and Nancy's permission) to have additional control of medical and financial responsibility. Their son, Matt, is a freshman in college. The goal is to get Nancy home with hospice. Returning to teaching doesn't seem a possibility right now. Thank you for your continued prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment