Anger

Anger is the hardest emotion to fight.  I so want to find 'dirt' and give blame to Gary....hurt him.  This isn't healthy for healing and doesn't resolve anything.  I can't control Gary.  But, I can put Gary in God's hands.  He can do the right thing for Gary.  Gary will remain in my life, as he is the father of my boys.  I can encourage them to have relationships with Gary.  However, Gary is the adult and needs to own the relationship.

I see (my view) that Gary is not really trying very hard to help the boys through this.  There seems to be so much selfishness in his life right now.  I can be there for my boys and I can send God's protection around them.

Andrew might be swinging through this weekend.  He might arrive as early as tomorrow afternoon, but will have to return Saturday afternoon.  I have Friday off as a mandatory unpaid day off (furlough), due to the state budget the way it is.  So, I get the day to spend with him.  YEA!  Jesus is Lord!

I have a control issue.  I think that I can help God (like He needs my help) and get my fingers into the mix.  This almost always (ok, always) works out bad.  If I keep my fingers out of it and let God drive, it will be better.  So, God, Gary is all yours.  I'm done.  Work in him as you see fit.  I hope he will find peace some day.  I also pray that the boys' relationships with him are positive.  You know what the boys need to learn for their future.  I can't protect them.  They may NEED to experience pain with this, just as much as I do in order to grow for the future challenges / responsibilities that God has in store for us.  It is easier to grow / learn NOW vs having to be taught several times.