Alone

I know I have to wait for Gary to decide what to do, which I don't think is fair. But, it is what it is. I also know I have a decision that follows, assuming he wants to come back. Am I wrong to question whether or not I will decide to take him back? How do I know it won't happen again (him walking away). I don't and there is no guarantee with anything.
I guess I was hoping it would all go back the way it was. It can't, unless there is a lot of open and honest discussion and resolution. There isn't any conversation about the situation. I'm being pushed away and rejected. I feel so low.
I do miss Gary. But, it was the Gary I thought I knew. I don't know what is going on and I can't do anything. I need to be patient, quiet, and pray. Patient is the hardest. I want the answer / direction now. It may take a very long time.
I can't make or even persuade Gary to come back to me. I want to make all sorts of judgments, that are not fair and I am trying to restrain from them.
He was (I hate this past tense) my best friend and my life partner. What do I do now? I feel so alone.
I am getting angry and bitter, the longer this goes on. I feel guilty yet justified. I need to seek HIS direction and HIS peace.
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