Falling out of love

"I fell out of love with you."  I was really having a tough time with this as a reason for the divorce with Gary.  I didn't understand it.  I had a thought last night.  With Gary's admission of guilt and lies this weekend, it came to me that Gary chose to see if he could fall out of love with me.  It isn't easy staying married / in love.  It is work.  It can be very rewarding and fun work.  But, it still takes an effort.  I started looking for arousal / satisfaction in other areas .... pornography.   As with any addiction, you constantly chase the next high or the next level.  He didn't have enough with the pictures, so he went after the affair.  Since he was not helping / working at reaching this intimacy together, he was seeking it individually.

I really feel sorry for Gary.  He never wants to work at keeping / increasing what he has.  He has to look for it in the 'next yard'.  I also feel for the people in his life who are going to be hurt by his lack of dedication to see that the feeling / love continues.  He has left 3 marriages now.  I hope his next one is better for him.

I also know I can't control others.  With this, I can't always fix others either.  I can help, if they want help.  Gary doesn't want help.  I know I need to be happy with me.  The only person I can control is me.  I can control my reactions to others.  Of course, I fail at this.

Prayer for others, even those who have hurt us so deeply, is the best medicine and the most powerful thing we can do.  God's tasks are to change / fix others.  I can intercede on Gary's behalf....via prayer, which I do and will continue to do.

I do love him and want to fight for our marriage.  But, I don't think there is a marriage (emotional / in the heart) to save.  We are divorced on paper.  I guess I was still holding out that he would change his mind and want to work on us.  He has no desire to be with me.  I think he is still chasing the feeling of pornography.  He told me that he has controlled the pornography.  I did correct him that you can't control pornography any more than you can control alcoholism.  He agreed...in his heart or just outwardly

So, can a person fall out of love?  Yep, only if they chose to think that it is possible.  If you are committed to your relationship and want to take the relationship to the next level (hard work), you won't be able to fall out of love.