I had a really good session with my counselor tonight. It is nice to go to someone who knows you. My defense mechanism is to think logically and rationally. He is trying to get me to actually deal with and handle my emotions. The two can exist at the same time. There is nothing bad about emotions and feelings (sad, anger, joy, peace, etc.). They are feelings. You can control / manage your behavior or reaction to the feelings. It is better to let them out and let them happen. I'm not too good with that. So, I'll work on it.
I am exhausted still. Several people ask me if I am ok to drive....might fall asleep. I do need to rest and deal with my emotions. Gary has Dylan this weekend. I have the garage sale on Saturday and will leave the old house behind me. Sunday (until 6pm) is mine. I have good friends that will be in my life this weekend. So, I'll be able to get to Sunday very well.
I actually sat in a massage chair tonight while Dylan was at Tae Kwon Do. I did the 'relaxation' automatic program TWICE! I almost feel asleep. :-) I think I'll do that again!
I am fighting with finding the right schedule with the medication (anti-depression, anti-anxiety, and sleeping pills).
I just need to take one day at a time, which is tough for me. I like to plan.
Gary is having a rude awakening about having to deal with a schedule AND his finances. Something he hasn't had to do for 12 years. I guess I was taking care of him too much. My counselor tells me I still might be trying to take care of him. I need to not enable him and let him make his own mistakes, no matter how I try and rationalize a benefit for myself.
A lot to think about and work through after tonight's session.
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