Grief Recovery Handbook

I stayed home today (sick day).  I slept some more (much needed), but also realized depression.  My counselor prescribed a book for me - The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman.  He lent the book to me.  I have started and finished the book today.  It will be another source of valuable practice to apply to be recovery from the divorce.  This book is applicable to any major loss.  A loss is an individual's and a impact of it is also the individual's.  I've learned more about listening and what NOT to say to someone who is experiencing grief.

I took a shower, which I didn't do for a couple of days.  The garage sale was Saturday and that was a major milestone to the finality of the divorce for me....probably more so than the impending final divorce papers in September.  The paperwork is more of a formality.  The moving and garage sale were more visible and emotional for me.

I realized today that I own my own feelings.  Gary isn't responsible for anything I feel.  I choose how I am going to react / respond to my own feelings.  Feelings are unique and individual.  They are mine and they are real.  The key word there is 'mine'.  They aren't anyone else's that have been hurled on to me.

God has never left me.  I need to stop asking 'why' and just move on....forgive, admit my failures, and regrets.  I don't need to do it to Gary, but to write a letter and express the 'completeness' of the relationship to heal and move on.

There are two sides to every story.  I don't know what Gary is explaining to his family and friends.  I made mistakes.  I wish we would have worked on them.  But, for whatever reason, it was too hurtful for Gary to do that.  He has made his decision and I need to make mine.