I haven't been sleeping very well with all of the stress of the separation and then divorce efforts. Last night was the first time in 3 months that I slept the entire night. It felt so good!
It will be a great day! God has shown up in so many ways, some big and some not so big but still appreciated. I give Him the credit. It isn't luck. He is carrying me through this. All I have to do is get through today and He has granted me enough grace to cover today. There will be more for tomorrow. I feel His loving arms protecting me and loving me. I don't know what is in store for Dylan, Andrew and me. Right now, I just want to heal and love my boys.....and show my boys the strength that comes from leaning on Christ, our Savior. He can help us get through anything. The tough part? ALLOWING Him to help / lead us. Those of you who know me, know that that is a big step for me. I love and thrive on control. I'm so out of control that I have no other choice but to turn to Him and allow Him to take care of me. The peace that I am feeling is incredible. I need to let Him do this more often and not wait for these huge life events to be taught how to let go. I am a stubborn child of God. I need to relax and enjoy life much more than I have in the past. Oh, I have had some wonderful memories and have enjoyed life. I mean to stay in touch with people more. Events, places, things don't last. The only thing that has a REAL impact is our relationship with God which impacts (if we chose) the relationships with others.
Dear Heavenly Father, work in my life to be a lighthouse and be there for others. I don't understand when people say that I am handling this divorce with such strength. I always give you the credit for this strength. What good would it do to get so nasty and fall completely apart? I have a good job, 2 wonderful boys (we all make mistakes and I will always be their mom), supportive family, and the incredible friends you have placed in my life. Help me be a witness to them of the strength you have available for them too. All they have to do is ask and allow it to happen.
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