Communication / boundaries

I returned to my counseling sessions tonight.  I am really struggling with boundaries for communication with Gary.  It seems that when I communicate the things I feel should be communicated....regarding Dylan....it opens up the attacks coming back from Gary.  Yet, I don't want to shut him out of important information regarding Dylan.

Since he knew the conflict / struggles with Andrew during high school, he was able to draw a parallel in how I dealt with Andrew vs how I am dealing with Gary.
- Gary is lying....so did Andrew
- state the fact that he is lying and move on
- don't be distracted by tangents that he brings up, stay focused on the issue at hand
- if the conversation is going nowhere, end it until it can be done in control and respect
- understand I can't control / change him
- understand that I probably won't get the same type of respect of information sharing that I give him
- his poor planning is not an emergency for me
- if I have provided him schedule information in writing, it is up to him to request changes in an appropriate amount of time and/or provide a beneficial solution or DEAL with it

The more I think about the parallel between Andrew's high school behavior problems and Gary's current disrespect, it is making more sense.

The counselor also pointed out that I should stop beating myself up.  This is the first time that I am dealing with parenting when the parents are not married.  I need to figure out how to deal with this, since it is my own set of circumstances.  Just because someone else succeeds wonderfully at post-divorce relationships / communication, or another person fails miserably, doesn't mean I will experience anything similar to them.  My situation is unique as Gary and I are unique.

How can I expect our communication to be better in divorce than it was in marriage....which it was probably the #1 thing that broke our marriage up.....that and Gary's unfaithfulness.

I need to control what I can control and limit what I can't.

Thank you, God, for putting the right people in my life to help me talk through this.  I know You are always there for me.  Prayer is a conversation with You and clarity comes through that conversation.  Please work in my heart and my head to deal with and learn through this situation, for the sake of Dylan and Andrew.