I really don't understand how to interact with Gary. How do I remember or even cherish the past? The person that is before me now is a stranger, nothing like the person I just spent 12 years with. It seems that he always has something, even if it is 'Dylan has his soccer socks with him' (duh!), to tell me. Like he wants to see me overweight and see that I am not doing well. This morning, I started an exercise program. Yep, day 1. I think I am eating fairly well and not 'pigging out'. I just need to get my body moving. I purchased an 'Ab Doer'...yep, an infomercial, awhile back. It has been sitting in the garage. Last night, I got it out of the garage and infront of the TV to watch the video. It is a simple 15 min routine. At first, I was like 'this is easy'. Now, sitting at the computer, I feel the burn....arms, thighs, and abs (front, side, and back). I'm going to be in better shape than when I got married. I'm heading to be as skinny as I was when Andrew was 3 yrs old. I need to lose about 150 lbs to accomplish that, but 1 lb at a time and it is doable. I am doing this for me and my boys, so that I can be around for my grandchildren. I'm not doing this to get Gary back.....I don't want this 'new Gary'.....this Gary hurt me so bad. I don't trust his words nor actions. I'm not doing it to be married or to attract someone. I'm doing it for me and for my Lord to dwell in a beautiful temple...my body.
I'm headed to a "neighborhood" (CCV's version of PVC's small group) tonight. I'm a bit nervous, but I will be ok. I need to meet new people.
I have a stressful meeting this morning. Someone is trying to get me into trouble. I have a defense and the truth will stand.
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