Whose Love do you want?

As I've posted before, I receive DivorceCare e-mails every morning.  They are usually timed uncannily perfect.  Today, was NO exception.  This is exactly how I feel and this got my attention to cut it out.  I am putting more value in having a husband vs receiving the love that God has available for me.  There are 3 days worth of messages here.  They are all applicable.

Whose Love Do You Want?

Rob Eagar says: "When you demand something from God, such as a new relationship, you are blocking God's love from benefiting you in that area of your life. In other words, you are saying, 'Lord, I don't want Your love. I want the love of a man or of a woman instead.' God won't force Himself upon you. He'll say, 'I love you; I'm here for you, but I can't give you My love until you are willing to receive it.' 

"Whatever you depend upon for your happiness will always end up controlling you; therefore, if you feel you have to get married in order to be happy, then the approval of the opposite sex will control your self-esteem. How other people view you will dominate the way you view yourself."

If you sincerely desire God's love more than the love of another person, then you are growing and maturing and you might be ready to consider a new relationship. If you think you are ready, then be sure the relationship is His idea and not yours. Remember, do not make decisions based on feelings. Use wisdom, God's Word, prayer, and Christian counsel to make all decisions, large and small. Let your self-esteem be grounded in Christ. If you desire a relationship with God above all else, your heart will truly be fulfilled.

"'For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,' says your God" (Isaiah 54:5-6).

Almighty God, I want Your love above all else, and I am willing to do anything to be certain of that love. Amen.


"You are only ready to start dating again when you don't feel like you have to have someone in order to be happy," says Marc.

Never depend on someone else for your happiness. Another person cannot make you happy, and it is not another person's responsibility to do so. If you are considering a new relationship, wait. If you are currently in a relationship, ask the other person to wait before taking the relationship further. There is not a set amount of time to wait. How long you wait depends on how long you were married before, how well you deal with conflicts, and on your personal rate of healing.

Gary Richmond says, "It takes one year of healing for every four years of marriage. Some people have control over that in terms of working it through, and different people heal at different rates, so it's a general statistic. But I've found over time that it's a wise statistic. One of the great tendencies of humanity is for us to say, 'It'll be different for me. This doesn't apply to me.' It really does."

Perhaps you, too, feel that your situation is different, that your new relationship is based on more than feelings or neediness. If that thought has come to your mind, prayerfully consider your past losses, your rate and method of grieving, your spiritual maturity, and your ability to find complete joy in being single. True happiness is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" (1 Peter 1:8).



Many people enter into new relationships with the illusion that the new relationship will be different, better, because they have learned from their mistakes.

"The only thing you've learned from your mistakes is that you've made mistakes," says Gary Richmond. "You have to learn new methods of behavior in order to overcome the problems you set up for yourself in the first relationship."

Roy says, "Most of the time people go from one relationship to the next with the same broken heart, the same scars, and the same unhealed wounds. The answer to the pain you feel is not another relationship. You've got to take your time and become a healed individual through the grace of God."

If you are basing your current behaviors on what did not work in the past, this is not a solid foundation for your life. God has provided you with the Bible, which is an instruction manual for life. He has also provided strong Christian teachers, counselors, church leaders, and biblically based books to help you establish roots and grow strong in your faith.

"I will show you what it's like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then obeys me. It is like a person who builds a house on a strong foundation laid upon the underlying rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who listens and doesn't obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will crumble into a heap of ruins" (Luke 6:47-49 NLT).

Strong Lord, I want to learn more and build my life on a solid foundation. Help me not to make decisions based on past experiences, but on what I know is godly truth. Amen.
Lord Jesus, I believe in You and in the joyful, abundant life You promise to those who love You. Amen.