Unsure

How can this man, that I loved for 12 years, do this to me?  After I talk to him or engage in e-mails or even text, my body goes into such an emotional and mental anguish...yes, to be honest, even physical.  Maybe I was abused, emotionally and mentally.

Last Wednesday, the argument got physical.  Gary opened his truck door into me.  It must have hit me pretty hard and I don't remember it.  I wasn't knocked down, but the next day my shoulder, back, and hip hurt like crazy.  Two strangers saw the incident, came forward, and offered to be witnesses, if I wanted to press charges.  The cops were called and statements taken.

I've asked for my doctor, who saw me the Monday before and Thursday after, to compile a medical opinion of what he saw between these two visits.  We'll see what happens.  I just want it documented.  I'm not trying to land Gary into jail.  But, it was wrong.

My right eye lid twitches so much that it will twitch until it closes.  The stress can be so overwhelming.

How can you walk out on your family, find someone else within a month, tell your wife you want a divorce after you find that someone else, and marry her just shy of 1 year from telling your wife you want a divorce?

Dear Lord, help me walk away from Gary.  Unbind the heart strings that still want him to wake up, even after all of the words and actions.  Why can't I go on with my life?  Please Lord, heal me.  Help me be who you want me to be......quickly.  I'm sorry.  I can't bare this pain and anguish.  I want to feel good about myself and how I treat others.  I feel so broken.  How can he go on and be able to walk away, so cleanly?

Thank you Lord, for the friends you have placed in my life that are so focused on being there for me.  It has been 9 months since Gary walked out of our house.  It still seems so fresh to me, but I'm sure it feels like a very long time for my friends.  Please grant them patience with me, Lord.  I need them all so much.  Please don't let me ruin any of these friendships that mean so much to me.

Please protect my boys.  I'm so very proud of both of them.  Yet, the damage that is being caused by the example (poor one) that their father is showing them, is so exhausting to combat / counter with them.  Andrew is excited about starting at UTI.  He will be leaving the Marines on May 11.  He will drive here.  Classes start on Aug 1 for him.  My lease here is up Aug 11.  Lord, please prepare that rental house that you want us to rent together.  I want to stay within the two elementary school boundaries for Dylan.  He needs consistency and his friends.

Lord, please guide the new parenting plan documents that Gary needs to sign.  I want to get these in place to accurately document the visitation schedule that Gary has agreed to, which is less than the original agreement.

Here is the most recent picture of Jeanie and Gary. Must be their engagement picture. He looks better here, than he does in person.