Yesterday was pretty rough...note the number of postings trying to keep my head up. I need to find peace in taking one day at a time. I am working on getting some plans made, still flexible, that will not include Gary. I'm taking precautions to protect me and Dylan. I'm also seeking professional counseling to make sure both of us (Dylan and myself) are ok.
Some may think that I am being too flexible with Gary. I've requested a schedule for visitation. He has yet to provide me one, as he has a weird work schedule, school starting up, etc. If I have plans with Dylan that can't be changed, I won't change them. It will be interesting to see how often he will make time for Dylan. Gary will also have to keep any schedule Dylan has established (Tae Kwon Do, Soccer, Chess Club, etc.).
Gary is 'enjoying' the complete 'single' life right now. Doesn't make me happy, but he will get to the point where he misses Dylan, at least. Then, he will realize the time he has already wasted and the damage he has done to his relationship with Dylan as well as with me. I'm allowing him to fail / fall, not forcing it (Gary did the forcing). I know Gary is struggling and doing some thinking. I pray for the scales to fall from his eyes and that his heart open up to feel the love of Christ again.
I haven't lost hope on a reconciliation. But, am starting to put up some walls / boundaries for terms of reconciliation. We will need counseling and a lot of open communication.
I'm focusing on my boys (picture from Christmas) and being a good mom for/to them. I refuse to speak badly of Gary to them. However, will not make excuses on Gary's behalf. I'm walking a very fine line on that.
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