Not why...what?

In last night's message, Pastor Greg said that in the face of adversity, we tend to ask 'why'. We were never promised a smooth road in life due to our faith and belief in Christ. In fact, we were assured the opposite. These are times in our life to grow.
- Grow stronger with our relationship with Christ (a habit before the adversity started)
- Grow our earthly relationships
- Grow in our own abilities
So, we should ask 'what'...what do you want me to learn, Lord Jesus....vs 'why'.

I now believe, a week later, that this isn't only about Gary's growth and struggle, but mine as well. Gary and I are so stubborn, it may have taken this to shake us to our knees....knees of worship, need, relationship, and praise to God. He doesn't need our praise. He only wants the best for and with us.

I pray I've done things according to His will, by reaching out to others for prayer, encouragement, witness, growth, and love. Heavenly Father, please move your Spirit for guidance in those that have been called to be a part of this struggle. Open Gary's heart and mind to reach to You. Work in me as well, to learn what You have us to learn.

Service last night was (as Pastor Greg loves to say) "OFF THE HOOK"! I wish Gary was there to experience it with me. Dear Father, bless the people who were / are there for us. Heal my heart in the places that have been hurt by petty things that seemed so huge. Don't sweat the small stuff. That is what it is...small stuff.

I'm scared that reaching beyond the 2 couples in small group / home team, I have gotten my fingers into Your plan, God. Please let this be Your will and not mine....Your timing, not mine. Oh, I so want Gary back home now. But, it is that patience thing of needing to wait for Your time. He may not come home. You will be there to help me through that, if that is what is to happen. I so pray it is not the end result. I promised to give Gary his space, as he desired. But, this is outside the covenant of marriage. This doesn't feel right. But, I might be wrong.

The planner in me is heading to the reconciliation and the issues we'll have to deal with due to the fall-out of the separation. I can't go there yet. I need to stay here and work through the separation. Your time, not mine, dear Lord.

Be still, my brain/head, heart open to hear the Words from God of peace and understanding, guidance and clarity.

It was good to see Gary yesterday. He did show for Dylan's Tae Kwon Do testing for his next level belt. Gary gave me a hug, too short in my book, but I released. He hasn't established another visitation (aka sleep over) with Dylan going to him. He offered to help with getting Dylan to TKD Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and then dropping him off at home. I don't claim any understanding of this situation, only confusion.

Andrew still hasn't been told. I KNOW he would call me after getting done with the conversation. I know I've reached out to exponentially more people than Gary with this. I pray it is the right move / action. It is with the best intention.

Heavenly Father, bless and guide the people You will call to action. I know all of them will not be used, as that would be too much. David, a small boy, took on Goliath. Your ways are different than ours. For now, that action may be to pray for Your wisdom and provide intercession prayers for Gary, as he has gone 'off-roading' in our marriage and his prayers may not be pleasing nor heard by You.

Bless this day (it is all I can handle and all You ask me to handle). Wrap me in Your loving arms, dear Jesus. Vicki gave me a beautiful visual to focus on. Me in the arms of my Savior, rocking me on the front porch of a beautiful cabin in a beautiful and peaceful location (me, that would be grass, lake, mountains, trees, birds, critters).