Sick

I get so worked up. I get physically sick. I know it is depression that is on the doorstep. I've re-read the letter and e-mail Gary gave me on June 13. It helps, but then again it hurts. How does someone fall out of love when there isn't anything major (adultery, abuse, addictions)? We needed more time together to grow our relationship, but to throw out 12 years of marriage and life? I am really having trouble with realizing I was living with someone that had this turmoil going on and I didn't see to push through it and help. I thought he preferred me to let him figure it out. I know, I can't force help upon someone who doesn't want it.

Yes, I am going to go see a counselor. I don't want to wear out my welcome with my friends.

I feel I am so weak in my faith and trust in God to have patience. The time is so hard and feels like is going so slow. I want an answer, but I don't want to push and get the wrong answer. I don't know if I can find peace in either answer (reconciliation or divorce).

Sorry, my friends.
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